Room 101: Ben Pons – Moseley flanker

1. The soft drift defence
A soft drift defence is all too soft for my liking. The soft drift is when the opposition has more numbers than you on one side of the pitch and to counter balance that the defenders run backwards and to the side, in tandem with the winger if he’s on the end of the defensive line, to make the attack go laterally. I prefer it when the drift has an offensive purpose to it rather than just about being safe. I suppose my ideal defensive strategy would be a mixture of blitz and drift, as I’m a personal believer in putting pressure on the attacking side. Dai Bishop, a former team-mate of mine at Moseley, was brilliant at coming out of the line and smashing people. I loved playing inside him.
TRP verdict:  It’s not a good start, we’re drifting off here.
2. Golf
Golf frustrates me immensely. I used to work at a golf course, driving the buggies and selling drinks out on the course. Back then I’d be able to hit the odd ball well. Nowadays, though, I’m awful. As soon as I put the ball on the tee I know that it’s going to go nowhere – or in the trees, bushes, water…If I’m playing with my brother and best mate who are both pretty decent I’ll take a tee shot, one off the fairway, and then give up otherwise I’ll just be holding them up all day long. I spend most of my round just looking for lost balls – mine and those of the other unfortunate souls who thought zigging-zagging your way across a golf course – and walking three times the distance you’re supposed to – was a good way to spend four hours!
TRP verdict:  Don’t be tee-d off, but you’re out.
3. Cooking
If I’m cooking for myself, fine. My frustration boils over when I have to cook for other people. I share a place with a mate and my brother and we’re supposed to take it in turns in the kitchen. However I seem to have been excluded from the list. While I’m more than happy with a plain chicken breast and rice without a sauce, everyone else moans that it’s too dry and boring. The only time I’ve pulled off any dish that you could halfway describe as being adventurous was when I cooked a nice lamb shoulder for my ex-girlfriend’s parents. Even then, though, I had to religiously follow instructions from my uncle that I’d saved on my phone. Way too stressful! Fortunately – or unfortunately, whichever way you look at it, I have one of the fastest metabolisms known to man and find it very hard to put on weight. That means I can get away with the odd fish and chips if I ever get tired of my own cooking.
TRP verdict:  It’s plain and simple, you need to simmer down and put a lid on it. You’re out again.