Room 101: Mark Woodrow – Dings full-back

1. Traffic
As you are probably aware a recent study has placed Bristol as the second worst city in England for traffic. Not enough is being done to improve the road network to reflect the obvious increase in the number of cars on the road, and any improvements that are being done seem to take forever. There’s one stretch of road between my hometown and Birmingham, where I used to play, that is still being worked on to this day – 10 years after the ‘improvements’ started! Another traffic-related bugbear of mine is the amount of time it takes people to respond to a green light or to a gap in traffic when they need to pull out at a junction. Instead of being ready to go it takes some people a good 10 seconds to engage their brains and then their gears before setting off. By that time two or three more cars could have got through. Be proactive, not reactive!
TRP verdict:  Press green for go, get yourself in Room 101.
2. Baby Books
Having just added to the Woodrow clan there are numerous books lying around the house advising new parents on how to best bring up their newborns. I swear most of the authors have never had children themselves because everything is so perfect and orderly in their world, which is just not how it is even for the most organised person. Not one of the 25 books we’ve got tells you won’t get any sleep, your baby will just cry and cry, it will take an additional three hours just to get out of the front door etc. etc. These books make out that once you’ve fed and changed your child there will be countless hours of play time left. Really? I love being a dad but it’s not until you’ve had a baby that you properly realise what it is all about. So I guess what I’m saying is we want the truth – whether we can handle it or not (in the words of Jack Nicholson).
TRP verdict:  This is child’s play, you’re in again
3. The physio room
There’s nothing more annoying than a player using the physio room as a meeting room. I don’t know if it’s just me or do players nowadays think that it is fashionable to hang out and chat rubbish while some woman or man straps ridiculous blue or pink tape to your mate’s knee? Players only used to go to a physio if they were truly hurt. I think we could all learn a little from the legendary Vince Lombardi (US Football), who, after discovering this epidemic, moved the physio room to a hut at the bottom of the field with a one-bar heater so players would only be there if they really did need the physio. I’m on the look-out for a 6 x 6 metal shed that we can put down in Dog S**t corner at Dings Crusaders and see if the boys still fancy meeting there for a chat…
TRP verdict:  Sex, lies and now physio tape. It’s a wrap. 3 out of 3!