Room 101: Mike Friday – Kenya Sevens head coach

1. Cunning Cats
I’m a big lover of cats from the big ones found roaming around in the jungle to those at home even though, ultimately, you know it is all about them with their attention-seeking ways and doe eyes. Trouble is I’m way too soft. When the cold nights draw in and there’s snow on the ground I give in and, against my better judgment, I let the cat stay in for the night. And how do they repay you in the morning..? I’ll tell you…with a gut-wrenching stink that reeks so much it could strip walls. Of course, the offender is nowhere to be seen near the cat poo crime scene and it’s left to you to clear up the mess. All this, of course, is accompanied by smug voices from upstairs, saying ‘I told you to kick them out’. In true cat form they return the same evening for their food as if nothing has happened, completely unaware of the trauma they have caused.
TRP verdict:  8/10 cats say they should be in Room 101…if only to keep warm!
2. Traffic Wardens
Now while I understand the role of the traffic warden and their purpose within the commercial centres of our country, I continually struggle to see their worth in residential areas (where only home owners will park their cars). It seems to me it is just an attempt to get their quotas up, irrelevant of commonsense or consideration for the people that live there. In the unfortunate world of resident parking zones, where you may happen to be slightly outside a bay or place a note in your car saying, ‘owner in his house please knock’, you would hope that common decency or, failing that, common sense would apply.  But no, they continue about their mean-spirited business like a camouflaged sniper, springing from nowhere to issue a ticket and then scarpering away quicker than Usain Bolt as you pursue them while using colourful language!
TRP verdict:  You’ve got a one-way ticket to Room 101
3. Rugby Politics
As everyone is fully aware I am neither interested nor good at rugby politics and see little point or value in them. Ultimately they cause mischief at the most inopportune time and it’s probably all for a personal agenda anyway, as opposed to making the game or a structure better. There are varying levels of this wasteful practice, and I have certainly been exposed to some extreme examples over the years, from amateur clubs thinking they can dictate who an international coach can pick for the country, to individuals manipulating situations so their siblings can get a game. I say if you just want a title without the responsibility to be selfless and make the game and structures better then you should consider becoming President of Antarctica and manage the King Penguins!
TRP verdict:  The ‘Nay’ vote beats the ‘Yea’ vote on this one. Please seek re-election.