Room 101: Marco Mama – Bristol flanker

1. Being called South African
I was born in Nigeria but brought up in Zimbabwe yet people seem to always mistake me for being South African. Even Andy Robinson does it! A South African accent has a strong Afrikaans influence and is a lot harsher sounding whereas a Zimbabwean accent has a strong English influence. To me it’s a bit like mistaking a Welsh accent with an English accent: they’re completely different.
TRP verdict: Speak ill of no man – otherwise there’ll be a Bok-lash!
2. Scrum meetings
I find meetings about scrums boring and overly complicated. I’m a ball-playing forward who views the scrum as just a means of re-starting the game. I don’t know why we spend so much time worrying about how to push against someone else’s rear end. Danny Wilson normally takes the meetings but recently Ross McMillan has taken it upon himself to speak endlessly about scrums; he has a condition known as verbal diarrhoea when it comes to this topic.
TRP verdict: We’ll let you in … at a push
3. Championship play-off chat
If I had a penny for every time someone came up to me and started talking about the unfairness of the play-off system I’d be a very rich man. We’ve been on the wrong end of some bad results at Bristol in the past so I completely agree with the people who say it is unjust and unfair, but it is what it is and you just have to get on with it. Personally, I’d like to see a straight one up, one down system.
TRP verdict: You win automatic entry into Room 101 (but don’t pull up the drawbridge)