Room 101: Mark Mapleoft – Harlequins coach

1. Reality TV
Take a bow Bradley Wiggins, not only for his outstanding Tour de France exploits but his post-race press conferences last week. A huge dig at the British ‘get rich quick for doing nothing brigade’ certainly got the thumbs up from me. Known to you and I as Reality TV stars, they are often referred to as ‘Z List celebrities’ – correct, that’s exactly what they are. I quite enjoyed Big Brother when it first aired in 2001, but like ripe fruit, if it hangs around too long, it can stink. It has spawned a thousand pale imitations including Desperate Scousewives (correct, it is), Made in Chelsea (will hang around as long as Villas Boas did) and the so-called celebrities that go with it. Losers, more like. Can’t dance, can’t sing, can’t play sport… they are not even funny. There is more humour down the local. If Wiggins, Luke Donald, Andy Murray, not to mention the Olympics, cannot inspire you to bin these pointless shows, cut out the ‘Pork Life’ and get some exercise, then nothing can.
TRP verdict:  You’re in. No question about it.
2. BBC Sports coverage
Once the provider of my staple TV diet as a teenager, what has happened to the BBC? My first loves, football, golf and horse racing, beautifully covered by the Beeb in my formative years, have literally gone to the dogs. Claire Balding does her best to prop up Royal Ascot and the Grand National and at least we are spared Willie Carson’s buffoonery in the latter. Match of the Day has become nothing more than a soap box for the righteous Alan Hansen and finally we come to golf. Maybe we are spoiled by Sky’s superb coverage of the US tour but the Beeb’s coverage of the Open last week was laughable. How many of Luke Donald’s shots did we see? (remember he’s English, finished fifth and, oh yes, is the world No.1). Not many I may add. Yet they had no qualms about following Tiger Woods’ toilet stops, Tiger picking his nose and a female member of the public trying to find her course pass in her blouse. Peter Alliss is all-time favourite commentator of mine and his quote “and they say the meek shall inherit the earth”, following Larry Mize’s chip in at Augusta in 1987 still gives me goose bumps. Sadly, his best musings have passed and he remains nothing more than an advert for the golf clubs up and down the country. It may cost the best part of £80 a month (Sky Sports sub), but when it comes to sports coverage (and the Tour de France), you really must believe in better.
TRP verdict:  You’re in. The way Rugby Special was treated is reason enough
3. Fourth officials
Time to get some role clarity here chaps when it comes to the fourth official. Injury cover should the ref pull a fetlock, I get that, but otherwise they are merely derided by the nearby supporters or get their ear bent by the respective benches. If Sean Davey or JP Doyle is fourth official, surely they would be better running touch, where their expertise can be used to interject on the game in a more positive manner. If we are to move our game forward, we need more consistency from the touch judges. Professionalism seeps from every pore of the Premiership, with the exception of touch judges, so why are we wasting a top class referee as fourth official, where his only obvious duty is to collect the half-time feedback cards from the team’s coaches? Some would argue that it is to calm the coaches down, but I would counter that by saying if there was no one there to complain to, they probably wouldn’t bother!
TRP verdict:  You’re in. These officials can go ‘forth’…