Room 101: Jon Feeley – Wharfedale coach

1. The beautiful game
To call football ‘the beautiful game’ is possibly the greatest contradiction in modern culture; it is a game which obscenely rewards deception and deceit to the point of disbelief. Players are now entitled ‘to go down’. Is this not a euphemism for diving and therefore cheating? Yet it is applauded and recognised as a legitimate bone fide aspect of play by the sycophantic media. The masses, with their tribal adulation, add to the swell of adulation. Never is human kind uglier than when the herd instinct takes over and rational, level-headed individuals lose all sense of the moral compass which would otherwise (normally) guide them through life. Only in football can an employee, paid the meagre sum of £100k per week, be labelled a slave by the head of its governing body, and then be commended for reneging upon his contract. For those charged with managing these role-models, a hear-no-evil see-no-evil policy is now standard practice. Of course none of the above applies to Bradford City!
TRP verdict:  Take a bow, not a dive; your passionate plea has won you a place in Room 101.
2. Over-complicated game-plans
I’ve occasionally been known to tell the boys at Wharfedale that rugby is a simple game complicated by idiots and Englishmen, much to the delight of proud Scot and fellow coach Tommy McGee. We have a terrible tendency to create difficulties for ourselves by drilling patterns and systems which have no margin for individual endeavour. Rugby is about developing core skills, then encouraging players to use them to exploit opportunities. I want my teams to back their ability. I do not believe in killing enterprise for the sake of creating autonomous units.
TRP verdict:  You’re simply the best, that’s 2/2.
3. Rugby jargon
On a personal note, I would ban rugby jargon, as 99 per cent is forward related and therefore dull. The ‘dark arts’ is every front rower’s attempt to justify their skill level but in reality it’s about not being good enough to play in the backs. And what constitutes a ‘crisp’ pass? A thesaurus does not improve rugby ability (although I did swallow one prior to writing this). But the younger players have a whole new language altogether, especially on Twitter: ‘#Breeds’. What’s that all about?  Josh Burridge is the exception to this rule at Wharfedale; he doesn’t hold back, he just tweets how in love he is with his girlfriend. It’s nice to see romance isn’t lost on the youth of today!
TRP verdict:  You ‘win ugly’ on this one.