Room 101: Alan Paver – Cornish Pirates prop

1. Bad Banter
You get some dreadful banter in rugby but the worst culprits tend to be hookers. In terms of being ‘chopsy’, hookers are the forwards’ equivalent of the scrum-half, never knowing when to put up and shut up.
I just tell them that they can’t scrum and to go into the back row where they belong.
There must be a factory producing them somewhere because week-in, week-out it’s the same no matter where you’re playing. I’d say the worst banter offender at Pirates is Rob Elloway.
Rob’s a really nice lad but he seriously needs to work on his match-day chat.
TRP verdict:  We’ll leave it to Wayne Barnes to decide on this one…
2. Underappreciated packs
People who know me will tell you that I could talk about scrums all day.
So when people fail to understand how much work goes into getting this crucial area right it really winds me up. It’s far more than turning up and pushing. There are two ways to build a good pack.
One is the Toulon approach: buy one. The other is the big stick method. This approach, favoured by the likes of my former Plymouth boss Graham Dawe and current Pirates coach Ian Davies involves them literally beating the forwards until they do things right.
Over time I’ve come to see he was right; there are no short cuts. Dawesy is without doubt the best scrummaging hooker I’ve played with. So brave; unlike most modern-day hookers he sets himself up in front of the props to form the tip of the arrowhead. Even in his 50s he’d wipe the floor with most in the Championship.
TRP verdict:  Dawe knockers can go away. You’re in!
3. Equal rights
There’s one rule for women and another for men – certainly when it comes to wardrobe space.
I’ve recently moved in with my partner which involved shifting about 20 suitcases and countless items of furniture, most of which wasn’t for my benefit. You could probably fit an entire family in the other half’s ‘dedicated area’ of wardrobe space. Somehow she manages to justify having 40 pairs of shoes, all of which, of course, go with different outfits!
Meanwhile, I’m left with about six inches to fit all my gear into and one drawer out of ten. I’m no fashion victim but I do like to have the odd pair of buffed up shoes and a smart shirt or two. After all, we props aren’t blessed with the best of looks!
TRP verdict:  Do you let her hang her things up in your dressing room at Pirates? I didn’t think so, you’re out.