Dream Team: Tyson Keats – former London Welsh, Crusaders and Hurricanes scrum-half

1. Tom Bristow – Young buck with outstanding technique and will go far. But he’s the only man I know who doesn’t know how to apply toothpaste correctly.
2. Neil Briggs – What a fantastic hooker. Very accurate throw on him and likes to get stuck in around the park. A very grounded man who has time for every fan.
3. Frank Montenella – This mad Frenchman can lock out a scrum. He was more renowned for disappearing behind the bike sheds to have a smoke though!
4. Jonathan Mills – He would be the captain. Horrific shape to the man but he just goes all day! He also managed to use every excuse in the book to get out of training.
5. Brad Thorne – It was an honour to play with him and what an amazing athlete. If you haven’t watched his Youtube weights session then check it out. True legend of the game who once called me Mini me.
6. Michael Paterson – Known as Two Can Paterson after an embarassing initiation at Sale, but has proven himself in NZ and England. His versatility and understanding of the game make him a huge asset.
7. Richie McCaw – Played a lot with him over the years and there is no better No.7. His demeanour earns him respect from others, which I think is more of a strength than his playing ability. I was too nervous to even fart around him when we first roomed together.
8. Keiran Reid – Simply the best in the business hands down and a very humble man.
9. Aaron Smith – He is blessed with such an amazing pass that I envy. I have not witnessed a better distributor of the ball.
10. Dan Carter – Has vast experience and an ability to perform at the highest level in crucial games. Not only is he the best 10 in the world but he’s a good looking guy too.
11. Hosea Gear – Unbelievable finisher with pace and power who showed his skills in the Baa-Baas game at Twickenham. Not bad for a guy who was hungover!
12. Ryan Crotty – Got his first start for the All Blacks yesterday. Very talented all-rounder who needs to get rid of that disgusting beard. His mother is not impressed.
13. Sonny Parker – International centre who’s covered all aspects of the game. Great calming influence on the field and has now transferred his leadership skills off it, with his management role at London Welsh.
14. Julian Savea – For a man who could not catch a high ball at training in 2012, ‘The Blackbus’ has come a long way and is now one of the world’s best wingers. I certainly wouldn’t want to tackle him.
15. Scott Hamilton – Still rated as the best full-back to come out of the Canterbury area in NZ. The energy he pumps into training is electric!  His performances off the field in his younger days were priceless, before he got married!