Room 101: David Trick – former Bath and England winger
In the good old days kickers at least had an excuse to take so long over attempts at goal. First they had to claw away the inevitable six inches of mud that had gathered around their studs from the bog-laden grounds, before creating some sort of mound out of the earth to carefully place the ball on. Nowadays they have a plastic kicking tee hurled in their direction from the touchline within seconds of the referee’s arm going up to award a penalty. So how is it that they take so long and, more importantly, why are they allowed to get away with it? The one-minute rule never seems to be applied. I did my own little survey during a match between Bath and Leinster and Jonathan Sexton (average 1 min 20 secs x 7 kicks at goal) and Olly Barkley (1 min 10 secs x 3) used up nearly 13 minutes of viewing time between them just by gazing at the posts. Factor in the time wasted on re-set scrums and forwards loping towards the lineout and that’s a lot of time devoted to doing nothing. I would like to see the clock stopped once a penalty is awarded and only start up again after the kick is taken.
TRP verdict: Agreed. The Premiership should be sponsored by Accurist. You’re in.
2. Processed Food
I’m preparing to take part in a marathon 960-mile bike ride to raise money for the Bath Rugby Foundation, an independent charity that benefits physically, mentally and socially disadvantaged children. As a result I need to get super fit, which is not easy at 52 years of age. One of the steps I’ve taken is to cut out processed food and, I have to say, the weight has dropped off me. In the past I don’t remember seeing very many overweight people, except maybe (former team-mates) Coochie and Paul Simpson. But now, wherever you look, there are overweight people. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out why the western world is so obese: we don’t exercise enough, but the biggest factor has to be the crap that we put into our bodies.
TRP verdict: Drive straight on through to Room 101 – again.
3. Made up words
Look at any magazine or watch ITV for more than five minutes and you’ll get what I mean with this next nomination. A shampoo manufacturer came up with a classic whereby they claimed that their product contained nutrilium. They clearly thought that would be a great selling point. I looked at my wife and said ‘a) I’ve never heard of that word and b) if it does exist, why use it when 99.9 per cent of the population is unlikely to know what it is.’ Now, when an advert slogan uses a made up word my wife cuts me dead before I can sound off like a Grumpy Old Man.
TRP verdict: That’s gr8. g4u…you’ve got the hat-trick!
