1. Try scoring celebration critics
We are now in the professional era, meaning that we have an obligation to entertain those that come and watch. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting we do an arrogant knee slide into the corner.
I’m talking about entertaining and putting on a production! A low-key version of Alan Shearer’s one arm in the air doesn’t cut it with me. What’s wrong with a big lock forward like Nic Rouse doing the worm?
We need to take the lead from Australia where Digby Ioane’s dance moves and, more recently, Danny Cipriani‘s ‘Dougie’ have entertained the crowd.
Celebrations are less frowned upon in Sevens where there is more of a party mood.
I fondly remember a classic stage-managed production from a tournament in Benidorm nine years ago. I scored in the corner which was the cue for a hair salon style celebration. After I’d touched down one lad, Neil Stenhouse, got down on all fours to make a human chair for me, then Mark Smith tucked a towel round my neck, asked me what I wanted and gave me a little trim!
Now that’s what I call entertainment!
TRP verdict: You’re in – as long as the Mullet doesn’t make a comeback!
2. Mini-roundabouts
They are dangerous and nobody knows what to do when they get to one. It’s carnage at times. Obviously the safest thing to do is bide your time and wait.
But I once saw an old guy waiting at a busy one near my house in Gedling, Nottingham, for half an hour.
I’d been past, done my shopping and come back and he was still there!
TRP verdict: You’re in – mini-roundabouts are the Kings of Confusion. They are the car version of a Chuckle Brothers sketch… ‘to me, to you…’
3. Unfollowing on Twitter
It’s a depressing sight to see that one week you’ve gained 10 new followers but then 15 people have unfollowed you. You don’t need a degree in maths to work out your followers are going down! Don’t get me wrong we all talk a lot of rubbish and maybe deserve to be unfollowed at times, me especially. But just the simple click of one button can bring so much heartache and I don’t think people realise this!
TRP verdict: You’re out – sorry Jacko you’re going to have to ‘man up’ on this one and take the rough with the smooth.