My Life in Rugby: Mike Blair – Brive and former Scotland and Edinburgh scrum-half

I was a late call-up for the 2009 Lions in South Africa and never really felt I had the selectors’ backing.
I’d been playing well and wasn’t sure why I hadn’t been selected. But the guys in front of me at that time were very good players.
When Tomas O’Leary got injured I knew I had a chance, but it wasn’t as if they phoned me up two days later and said we’d love to have you along. I never really felt a massive backing as a player.
Gregor Townsend had been at a dinner with Rob Howley before the tour and told me he was surprised as Rob wasn’t talking up my chances of making the squad.
When Gregor told me, it meant I had a lingering feeling inside me that the coaches didn’t want me to be there when I was eventually called out.
But I didn’t have two of my best games when I started and it was a frustrating time. In terms of an experience, though, it was fantastic and great to be part of but it’s a shame I wasn’t able to perform better.
As a youngster I played cricket and squash for my school. I never really thought about what was around the corner in terms of making rugby a career.
I made the Scotland U19 squad for what was then called the FIRA-AER Junior World Championships. I was the only guy out of the squad of about 32 not to start one game, which was strange considering the coach was Frank Hadden, who selected me to start most Scotland games later in my career.
My first Scotland cap was against Canada in Vancouver in front of about 3,000 people, basically in a field. It was a strange atmosphere to get your first cap. You dream about running out in front of 70,000 people so it was bit weird.
I’d actually played at Murrayfield a week before against the Barbarians in a non-cap game. I was still a Boroughmuir player which was rare and I don’t think there are many people now who have gone straight from a club like that to playing for Scotland.
My first game as Scotland captain was against Ireland in 2008. Jason White had been injured the week before, and Frank Hadden told me on the Monday he wanted me to be captain.
I had a really good year in 2008. At Edinburgh, Andy Robinson had just come in and I was close to going to another club. I spoke to Andy and he pulled out all the stops to make me stay.
He made me captain of Edinburgh the following year which was a real boost. To know if you have a bad game that he won’t drop you means so much.
With Scotland I started, I think, 31 out of 34 games under Frank Hadden which gave me great confidence. The way the team were playing was almost moulded around how I wanted to play.
Having been involved for so long it was a tough decision to retire from international rugby but I’d gone to Brive and I knew by moving to France I was putting myself under pressure.
For example, I came back for the autumn Tests and had to take my son out of school in France after he’d settled. My daughter was only two weeks old too so it was a real upheaval to come back for three weeks.
But that wasn’t the only reason. On the horizon was the 2015 World Cup and I honestly thought I didn’t have it in the tank to be there.
I was at Murrayfield for the Ireland two weeks ago and nothing told me, ‘why did you stop?’ which tells me it was the right decision.