Brendan Gallagher: Look away now unless you can think back to England beating South Africa…

England have been playing international rugby for 145 years and there have been a few bad trots over the decades against various opponents, but nothing to top their current abysmal record against South Africa.
Rectifying that situation therefore must be a massive priority for Eddie Jones and England as they meet up at the end of this European weekend in preparation for their November campaign in earnest.
Since scraping a 23-21 win at Twickenham on November 18, 2006, England have met the Boks 12 times and emerged with an abysmal playing record of lost 11, drawn one.
Before this current run their worst consecutive record against international opponents was against Wales between 1899 and 1909 when they lost ten and drew one of their fixtures.
There is virtually an entire generation of England rugby players who have no conception of what it tastes like to beat the Boks. And the last England coach to mastermind a win over the Boks was Andy Robinson and he was out of a job ten days later.
Not the least of the mysteries surrounding this dismal run is that although, for a period either side of their World Cup victory in 2007, South Africa were clearly a top side, they have been distinctly fallible at other times. They have been vulnerable and prone to slip ups against all-comers. Except England.
During the ten-year period under examination, Ireland have racked up four wins over South Africa, France two and Wales and Scotland one apiece.
In fact the only nation of the traditional ‘big eight’ not to have beaten South Africa have been England. Japan have nipped in for an historic win as well. It doesn’t make a huge lot of sense unless you try to dig under the surface of the defeats.
As everybody knows these runs build a momentum of their own and psychological barriers also start coming into play. England’s horrendous phase began with a half decent performance – they lost 25-14 against a side that a year later were to win the World Cup. Ever since then the Anglo/Boks relationship has been very one-sided.
Brian Ashton stepped into the breach after Andy Robinson left and the following summer found himself taking a squad to South Africa shorn of 20 or more players who either needed a rest or were nursing injuries. The Boks in contrast were at full strength and building up a head of steam and the result was two of the most painful thrashings in England’s history, losing by 48 points clear points in Bloemfontein and 33 in Pretoria.
Those wounds were still in evidence in the World Cup in France four months later when England, at full strength, lost 36-0, and although they made a remarkable recovery over the next five weeks to reach the final England still finished second best there as well, albeit by the much more respectable score of 15-6.
A year later came probably the most important defeat of all in this sorry tale. Ashton had gone, dealt with a tad harshly considering the hospital pass he had been thrown and Martin Johnson was now in charge. Paul Sackey and Nick Easter were the only two starters left from the team that had taken the field in the World Cup final.
World champions South Africa were coming off a long season which, following their successful campaign in France, had taken in a much less glorious Tri-Nations competition in which they finished last losing four of their six matches.
Now was the time to strike a blow back but instead England slumped to a 42-6 defeat, still their heaviest ever defeat on home soil. Did an inferiority complex set in that day?
Since then it has been a tale of missed opportunities with England lacking the wherewithal and confidence to get over the line. Stuart Lancaster put great store into an old style three-Test tour to South Africa in 2012 but his team’s only reward was a 14-14 draw in Port Elizabeth.
In November 2013 England got within a point of the Boks at Twickenham and, on the scoreboard, it was also close the last time the two nations met with South Africa winning 31-28 but a late try from Brad Barritt added a little gloss that day to an average England performance.
Now they prepare to face a Boks side derided and heavily criticised at home as one of the weakest in their history. On paper it’s England’s game by 15 points or more which, in all truth, only ramps up the pressure.
The Grand Slam and series win in Australia were all fine and dandy but this, in a different way, is an absolutely  must win game for England and even this far out you can sense the nerves jangling a little. This is a match outside the norm with an agenda of its own. A one point England win would be quite sufficient.
The sorry tale…
November 25 2006: Lost 25-14 (Twickenham): England had beaten the Boks the previous week but this proved to be the last hurrah for Andy Robinson as England coach as his side slipped to their eighth defeat in nine games. England raced into a 14-3 lead on the half hour with a Mark Cueto try and three Andy Goode penalties but it was all downhill after that as fly-half Andre Pretorius started slotting his kicks and prop Van der Linde barrelled over or a try.
May 26 2007: Lost 58-10 (Bloemfontein): England went down south without 20 top players – either being rested ahead of the World Cup or injured – and paid the price with their heaviest ever defeat against the Boks. It was a fearful hammering by any standards and a warning that the Boks were potential World Cup winners later in the year. South Africa crossed for seven tries and Percy Montgomery was also in unforgiving mood with the boot landing seven penalties.
June 2 2007: Lost 55-22 (Pretoria): Jonny Wilkinson took the captaincy and on paper this wasn’t quite as bad as the previous week, indeed England even led 19-17 at half-time with a Dan Scarbrough try and a barrage of Wilkinson kicks. The Boks, however, turned up the heat and the altitude and a long season started to take its toll on England who leaked a further six tries. Very painful indeed.
September 14 2007: Lost  36-0 (Stade de France); Most of England’s ‘big guns’ were back but it made no difference as a Fourie du Preez-inspired Boks battered England. JP Pietersen scored two tries, Juan Smith another and the remaining points came through the goalkicking of Montgomery and Frans Steyn. Jason Robinson limped off early in the second half with what looked like a serious hamstring tear and the ovation he received indicated that players and fans thought it was his ‘farewell’.
October 20 2007: Lost  15-6 (Stade de France): Five weeks later and Robinson and England had risen Lazarus-like and lined up in the World Cup Final. Alas there was no fairy-tale ending as the Boks took a firm grip of proceedings through the boots of Montgomery and Steyn. Just once did England threaten with a fine weaving run from young Mat Tait which led to a controversially disallowed Mark Cueto try, above. Was that foot really in touch? Probably, yes, for a fraction of a second. But it was close.
November 22 2008: Lost 42-6 (Twickenham): The reigning world champions were in their pomp and marched into Twickenham to administer the mother of all hidings as England, with new manager Martin Johnson getting his feet under the table,  slumping to their biggest home defeat. South Africa, with Ruan Pienaar running the show from fly-half, helped themselves to three tries in each half with England outmuscled up front and barely firing a shot in anger.
November 27 2010: Lost 21-11 (Twickenham): England went into this game on a surge of optimism off the back of a 35-18 win over Australia and Chris Ashton‘s wonder try but were again found wanting up front where the mighty Boks pack took a firm control. Tries for Wilhelm Alberts and Lwazi Mvovo paved the way to a comfortable 21-6 lead with three minutes left when a Ben Foden interception gave the score line a healthier gloss.
June 9 2012: Lost 22-17 (Durban): Stuart Lancaster, below, was the man in charge now and looked forward with relish to a full-on three Test tour of South Africa to assess the talent available to him. England shaped up well in this first Test in Durban although the Boks started to dominate physically after England had reached the break level at 6-6. Tries for Morne Steyn and Jean de Villiers did for England although their defence stood firm and there was no danger of an embarrassing collapse.
June 16 2012: Lost 36-27 (Johannesburg): Curate’s egg performance from England. Defensively they were not as organised and physical as in the first Test and found themselves 22-3 down after 20 minutes. A cricket score seemed possible but from that point England went toe-to-toe with the Boks and looked sparky in attack, scoring three tries through Ben Youngs (2) and Toby Flood. Jonathan Joseph made a promising start at centre. Dug in well at high altitude.
June 23 2012: Drew 14-14 (Port Elizabeth): A very decent effort from a tired end-of-season team that had picked up additional injuries with skipper Chris Robshaw and Ben Youngs unavailable and Flood going of early. Dylan Hartley stepped in as captain and, perhaps, there was a significant clue to the future as he rallied the troops well. England started strongly and led 8-3 at half-time thanks mainly to a Danny Care try but the Boks found just enough after the break with a Pietersen try earning the draw.
November 24 2013: Lost 16-15 (Twickenham): Another strong but losing performance from England against a Boks side that had built a 10-point lead mainly through a fortuitous try by Wilhelm Alberts. Two penalties apiece from Flood and Owen Farrell got England back within four points when, with two minutes left, Chris Robshaw opted for three points in front of the posts rather than kick for touch into the corner. Robshaw was criticised when England failed to get back up into Boks territory.
November 15 2014: Lost 31-28 (Twickenham): A close looking scoreline but for much of this game England were again second best although they did rally and score two tries through David Wilson and Ben Morgan when South Africa were down to 14 men to level the scores at 20-20. Schalk Burger then restored the Boks lead with a try and, at a crucial time, Dylan Hartley was binned for illegal footwork at a ruck. The Boks clinched victory with a Pat Lambie dropped goal before Barritt scored a late try for England.