Brendan Gallagher: We’ve had hell and miracles, so what next for England?
Each of the seven visitations to date has possessed a unique and distinctive feel and if there are any prospective publishers out there contemplating a book on the subject I have the chapter headings pencilled in for you already.
In chronological order you have: Pioneers Down South (1963); Miracle At Eden Park (1973); The Forgotten Men (1985); Tour Of Hell (1998); Escape To Victory (2003); A Tour Too Far (2004) and the Tour Of Shame (2008).
As an addendum I would also offer a bonus World Cup chapter Dwarf Throwing Infamy (2011). As for 2014, the first three-Test series contested by these two superpowers, we will know soon enough.
The first tour, in 1963, offers a rare and frankly terrifying example of the old style RFU thinking outside of the box and organising the first ever full-scale overseas tour by a home Union.
The blazers despatched a streamlined cost-conscious 23-man squad half to the Antipodes in steerage – via Amsterdam, Vancouver and Hawaii – to embark on six games in 17 days including three Tests, one straight off the plane on the way home against Australia at the SCG.
Jet-lag didn’t exist, apparently, nor did England have the rudimentary back-up of a coach, physio, doctor or even a sponge man. But apart from that everything was absolutely fine.
It was sink or swim and eventually they sunk but not without trace or indeed honour. Despite everything Mike Weston’s team nearly pulled off a remarkable win in the second Test in New Zealand before that pantomime villain of decades past – the myopic home New Zealand referee – intervened.
England were scrummaging New Zealand off the park, despite lock Mike Davis having a dislocated shoulder but twice Mr JP Murphy denied England pushover tries as they shunted a disintegrating New Zealand pack over their line.
There was also the small matter, in the final minute with the score poised at 6-6, of Murphy advancing a mark by Don Clarke by ten yards and changing his decision to a penalty, deeming England to have incorrectly charged the mark. The big-kicking Clarke broke English hearts by smashing the ball over from inside his own half. ‘The Daddy of all Kicks,’ proclaimed the Christchurch Star. England’s reaction was unprintable.
Revenge was sweet if unexpected ten years later when John Pullin led his unfancied team to an astounding 16-10 victory at Eden Park, outscoring the All Blacks three tries to two. Unfancied that is by the New Zealand media and public although Pullin was always quietly confident.
“We were a decent team that year, we had been part of the famous five-way tie for the Championship, and for once we travelled with most of our best players,” recalls Pullin who had no fear of the All Blacks having already recorded famous wins with the Lions and Barbarians. “Dougie Sanders and John Elders were our entire management team and knew their stuff, there were no other selectors hanging around to mess things up.
“Although New Zealand away was a tough assignment they were experiencing a bit of a dip at the time. We stopped off in Fiji for a Test on the way down, rather than for a jolly on the way back which is the normal run of things, and they were a bloody good side around that time. Fiji came at us all guns blazing but we just managed to scrape home 13-12 in Suva.
“Then came three defeats against New Zealand provinces which lulled the All Blacks into a false sense of security which suited us fine. We had played well in the biggest of those warm-up games – against Canterbury the week before the Test – and could easily have beaten them, just one or two bounces of the ball didn’t go our way.
“We had no fear. We’d beaten South Africa a year earlier at Ellis Park, why shouldn’t we beat New Zealand? The core of that team from South Africa was still in place. Come the day Fran Cotton had a big game, the back row of John Watkins, Andy Ripley and Tony Neary were magnificent and Jan Webster was brave as a lion at scrum-half. The All Blacks, and New Zealand generally, were in a state of complete shock afterwards. They hadn’t seen it coming.”
Twelve years long years later – rugby operated on a different timescale in the amateur days – England embarked on the Forgotten Tour. Hand on heart did you know or remember that Paul Dodge had ever captained a full England tour of New Zealand, that Phil Huntsman, of Headingley, was the starting loose-head prop or that Brian Ashton was the assistant manager/coach on that tour a full 22 years before he took England to a World Cup final in France.
Shame on us all but for reasons this tour has rather slipped away in the mists of time. In the Tests England started with a brave 18-13 defeat at Christchurch and outscored the All Blacks two tries to nil but debutant Kieran Cowley kicked six penalties for the All Blacks. It was the only shot in their locker, though, and the following week, in Wellington, New Zealand predictably romped to a 42-15 win.
And then came the Tour Of Hell, conceived by an anonymous madman at the RFU and seemingly designed to humiliate and destroy a fledgling England team in one fell swoop. After four years of continuous touring many of England’s senior hands took a summer off to undergo surgery or reacquaint themselves with family while those callow foot soldiers left were sent on a suicide mission.
With scarcely time to draw breath they were expected to play Australia in sultry Brisbane, New Zealand A in rainy Hamilton, the New Zealand Academy in arctic Invercargill, New Zealand in Christchurch, a pumped-up Maori in sulphurous Rotorua, another Test against New Zealand at their Eden Park citadel and then a 16-hour flight to play the Springboks in Cape Town’s teeming rain and mud.
Complete carnage. Were any suits ever held to account for this abomination? Of course not, although a number of promising playing careers were killed stone dead.
“It was absolutely insane and whoever organised the trip clearly didn’t have the best interests of the England rugby team to heart,” recalls coach Sir Clive Woodward. “But we inherited the tour from a couple of years out and had to make the best out of the situation.
“My basic approach was just to try to make it a happy tour in that everybody was ‘in this together’ and to start instilling the team and rugby culture I was looking for long term. There were actually lot of positives. Matt Dawson, our skipper, grew as an individual, the young Jonny Wilkinson learned the realities of senior rugby very quickly while Josh Lewsey, Phil Vickery and Lewis Moody all did very well. There were big plusses despite everything.”
When England next visited, in 2003, they were on a pre-determined mission. Despite a full-on Six-Nations in the spring and the prospect of a World Cup in Australia that October Woodward insisted that England visit New Zealand and Australia on a smash-and-grab raid with the full strength squad that had swept to a glorious Grand Slam.
The record needed to be put straight against New Zealand, and indeed the Maori, who had inflicted a 62-14 defeat on the Tour Of Hell, while Woodward also wanted to scout the lie of the land in Melbourne and Perth in Australia. It could have all ended in tears but ultimately underlined just how far England had come.
After the midweek ‘dirt-trackers’ dealt comprehensively with the Maori at New Plymouth, England tackled a pumped-up All Blacks at Wellington’s blustery rain-drenched ‘Cake Tin’. It was anybody’s game and, for while, only the miraculously good goal-kicking of Jonny Wilkinson, enjoying one of his best ever goal-kicking games, kept England’s noses in front.
The defining moments came midway through the second half when England were down to 13 men with Lawrence Dallaglio and Neil Back both banished to the sin bin. Not only did England hang on in the scrums, their six-man pack sent New Zealand sprawling backwards in one barnstorming passage of play.
“We just did what we had to do,” recalls Dallaglio. “We were very good defensively and Jonny kicked a few terrific goals but no amount of bravery could disguise the fact we hadn’t played any rugby. We did a few things right but generally we didn’t play very well.
“People have said to me that was the seminal moment in the evolution of the team and possibly our greatest moment from all our years together but I would have to disagree.”
Short-handed, under the cosh and confined mainly to defensive duties that was a famous England win by any criteria but Dallaglio’s reaction is very interesting. Rarely has an away win over New Zealand been treated in such a matter-of-fact way. Decent win, average performance, must do better. Which will, of course, have enraged New Zealand even more.
This team was for real.
A great night to be English Down Under but it’s been slim pickings for England ever since, in fact worse than that. Humiliation has been in the air again.
England’s visit a year later was clearly A Tour Too Far, that great team were simply out on their feet, walking zombies, and beginning to break up. They should never have been allowed on the plane at Heathrow but as reigning world champions England were a huge draw.
Contracts had been signed, obligations had to be met. England started with nine of their World Cup-winning team in Dunedin but got swept aside 36-3 and struggled again a week later when they lost 36-12 in Auckland. The party was over.
Which brings us to the Tour Of Shame, an ill-starred affair from the start with England’s new coach-manager – nobody was quite sure of the title – Martin Johnson not travelling for family reasons and England, more than most, badly in need of a rest after the 2007 World Cup the previous autumn and a full-blown Six Nations tournament. The timing was rotten but it usually is when you visit New Zealand.
England produced a half decent effort in the first Test before going down 37-20 in Auckland but the tour was plunged into controversy thereafter following a night of wine, women – well one woman in particular – and song by the younger members of the team which filled the front and back pages for weeks.
In the end Mike Brown and Topsy Ojo were fined, not for any bedroom antics per se, but being out all night drinking while Brown was also censored for missing a post-match physiotherapy appointment that hung-over Sunday morning.
Again it is possible to detect a plus side though.
Brown has re-emerged as the most professional and dedicated of all the modern era, a model pro who has just been voted the Premiership and England’s player of the year.
