Room 101: Nick Mullins – ESPN lead commentator

1. The man who abolished proper tours
We all know why good, old-fashioned tours became the kind of historical footnotes you only find these days in dusty editions of the Rothman’s Rugby Year Book. It happened when Unions started to count cold, hard cash ahead of the soul of the game. But if you can lay your hands on a copy of the 1993 edition, look at what Sean Fitzpatrick’s New Zealand got up to that Autumn; the characters we grew to know, the places they went to, the stories they wrote. I remember a Saturday afternoon in Redruth when the All Blacks were in town like it was yesterday. Honestly, they’d clambered up trees outside to get a view. When touring teams came to play in the olden days they stayed for years. Or at least it felt that way. It certainly allowed one erudite Scottish correspondent the time and space to decide the Blacks’ rather gruff coach Laurie Mains was the kind of man “Who if out riding with The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse – Conquest, War, Famine and Death – wouldn’t noticeably lighten the gloom.”
TRP verdict:  You’re in…for managing to fit tree climbing – another forgotten pastime – into the equation.
2. Musical greetings cards
They’re not funny and remain the refuge of those who can’t be bothered to put a bit more thought into the tricky art of card selecting. Seriously, who thinks some well-chosen words on a loved-one’s birthday are enhanced by some tinny-voiced Elvis impersonator? And if you reckon Del Boy or Mr T barking out a birthday message is any more tasteful, you’re wrong. My card shop round the corner sells them by the truck load. The owner seems unperturbed by my one-man boycott. I don’t buy from her comedy tie selection either. The ties only survived Room 101 after referring the matter to the Television Match Official…
TRP verdict:  It must be your birthday, you’re in again
3. The TMO ‘sitting upstairs’
He doesn’t. Or at least in none of the televised games I’ve ever worked on for the BBC, ITV or ESPN. So why, when a contentious point of the match is reached, do some of my esteemed colleagues (and indeed close friends) insist on taking us “upstairs” to get the decision? “We’re going upstairs”, they merrily chime, when in fact we’re doing nothing of the sort. For the record when Graham Hughes, or whoever it is, watches his TV screen during the match, he sits behind the producer in our Outside Broadcast truck. In fairness, he does need to climb a little step ladder to get into it, but it is wrong and misleading for us to suggest he lives “upstairs” when he actually lives in a car park.
TRP verdict:  This one’s gone for referral…and you’re out. Nothing beats, ‘it’s T-R-Y time’ for irritation.