Room 101: Mark Nelson – Fylde head-coach

1. 1996 (the Game going ‘open’)
It didn’t take long for me to feel the negative effects of professionalism. Fresh from the RFU‘s big announcement I found myself standing on Sandal RFC’s pitch on a Sunday afternoon trawling my contacts to get 15 players together to play for the North against the touring All Blacks at Huddersfield the following Tuesday night. As a result of the game going ‘open’ all the top sides had pulled their players out, including the likes of Austin Healey, Will Greenwood, Jim Mallinder, Steve Diamond and Phil Winstanley. I was left with my mates and a few Rotherham and Wakefield lads to play Jonah Lomu, Sean Fitzpatrick et al. From there on in the game has been on a downward spiral, denying players the following joys of rugby: touring – and I mean proper touring, the right to have a bad game and not get pilloried or sacked, Friday tea-time beer, barmaids and rugby songs. When you look at what pre-1996 players missed out on it’s hard not to hanker back to ‘the good old days’: weights at 7 am, protein shakes, video analysis, pre and re-hab and, for the sake of a reasoned argument, contracts, agents and a match fee.
TRP verdict:  You’re out. How could you fail to mention kicking tees made out of mud pies, cottoned hooped jerseys, scrum-halves that dive pass…?
2. Hooded yobs
Is it me…or do your heckles rise when you walk through any given town centre and are confronted with groups of hoody wearing, baseball capped, tracksuit pants and trainers suited and booted teenage yobs. I used to be a teacher but never remember kids of this age having such an aggressive and indolent attitude to the society in which they exist. Maybe they have an axe to grind because the economy has created an environment that means they have no chance of gaining meaningful employment. However, there are many young people that have a massive energy and want to make the best of themselves. I lived in Toxteth in 1981 during the riots when the people were genuinely oppressed and really had nothing left but to take to the streets. These days everyone bends over backwards to understand and compromise. Personally, I would introduce compulsory youth community service from the ages of 16-18 for those that are not employed or in education, Trust me, I’m not a fascist!
TRP verdict:  To Chav or not to Chav, that is the question. You’re in.
3. X-Factor
Why, oh why, do we allow ourselves to get conned by Simon Cowell? He has stifled the lifeblood of one of this country’s best products…Rock and Roll. Many of the world’s best bands and music has come from these shores. It has come from a creative youth that understands the best elements of American and World Music and then puts its own spin on it to create ground breaking music. The UK is the All Blacks of Rock. Yet Simon Cowell grabs the Dr Who slot on Saturday night and turns our music scene overnight from Sex Pistols to Brotherhood of Man. For the younger readers, read Arctic Monkeys into S Club 7. He should be banned from TV…unless, of course, he likes my new song in which case I will happily acclaim him as the greatest music guru since Brian Epstein.
TRP verdict:  It’s time for Cowell to pull up his socks (and trousers).  You’re in.
JON NEWCOMBE